Unsolved Mystery

Scenario 1: Girl meets guy.  Girl likes guy.  Girl is sweet, friendly and shows guy she likes him.  They have a great time together.  Guy seems to like her too.  Then suddenly, guy is different and isn’t being as sweet and attentive as he was a week ago.  Girl hardly hears from guy…no texts or calls like in the beginning.  After some time, she moves on and meets other guys.  She’s no longer interested in this guy.  Now guy is suddenly texting and calling again and wants her attention (this actually happened to me).

Scenario 2:  Girl meets guy.  She likes him but doesn’t feel that chemistry, maybe can be friends?  Guy likes girl.  Guy texts and calls frequently, tells her how much he likes her and wants to see her.  Girl delays her responses to his texts, doesn’t answer her phone when he calls and turns him down when he asks to go out.  Still guy persists and pursues girl (this also actually happened to me).

These are both all too familiar scenarios that happen quite often in the dating world.  It is an unsolved mystery that my friends and I just can’t quite understand.  Men will say over and over they don’t like games.  They don’t like women that “play hard to get”.  Ok men, then why is it when you have us, you don’t want us, but when you don’t have us, you do??  It never fails that the men I actually want are the ones that are not ready, not emotionally available, or whatever the issue may be.  The one I’m just not attracted to or don’t see as more than a friend is always the one that will continuously pursue me.  Men are hunters right?  They enjoy the thrill of the chase.  So is it safe to assume we have to play along?

I am on a quest, a mission if you will, to get to the bottom of this phenomenon.  I’d love to believe that I don’t need to play hard to get, but with my experience (and that of some of my single friends), it seems to be the only way to go.

Wish me luck!

~B

She’s Single Because…

Dating is so HARD!!  As you get older and you have less time to waste, it becomes even more difficult.  I’m not saying I’m necessarily in a rush, but I also don’t want to waste time with the wrong person.  Does that make sense?  I get asked over and over again on dating websites “Why are you single, you’re so beautiful”.  I’m single because I will not settle.  Period.  How a person looks has nothing to do with being single.  I am finally in a place in my life where I know what I want.  We all have flaws, no one is perfect.  There are things I can overlook with the right person but there are also things that are deal breakers.  I’m not going to be with someone just for the sake of not being single anymore.  I want it to be right.  I want the next person I’m with to be the last person.Single

I’ve been dating this guy for almost three months.  In the beginning it was great.  We had a wonderful connection.  He was such a gentleman (see my post about our romantic getaway).  I enjoyed every minute I spent with him.  However, as I have gotten to know him more, I am realizing that we are in two different places in our lives.  It is very apparent that he is not ready for a relationship.  I want to settle down.  He is divorced like I am, but he does not have kids.  He likes to go out to the bar pretty much every weekend.  That’s perfectly fine if that’s where he is and what he wants to do, but it isn’t what I want.  He also talks about himself WAY too much.  I think he’s too into himself to be capable of being into me.  The big one too is that he really doesn’t show much interest in my children.  He never asks about them or how their soccer games went or anything.  This is huge for me.  Another issue is that in the beginning (mind you the beginning was only 3 months ago), he took me on dates, sent me flowers, etc.  Now he is “saving” and can’t spend any money, yet just booked a room for a Vegas trip in April, signed up for some social thing that costs $20 a month (to attend social events in the city he lives), and practically lives at the mall buying clothes.  Can you say selfish?  I’m not a gold digger, I don’t need you to spend tons of money on me.  I do however think 3 months into dating is still pretty early to think you no longer have to court me and at least take me out to dinner or something.  I’m just so turned off at this point, there’s no turning back.  It just really sucks that it took 3 months to see this.  I guess it’s better than 3 years.

I’ve been back into online dating but no prospects so far.  In the meantime, I’ll just continue to have hope that the man that is imperfectly perfect for me is out there and will come to me when the time is right.

~B

Funny as F*ck

I reactivated my online dating profile less than 48 hours ago and the fun has already begun.  Let me start with the guys profile name “50ShadzOGryPopon”.  Really?  Just from the name, I already know the message is going to be interesting.

“A bit about me – driven entrepreneur, 6′, blk/brn, broad shoulders, very large in the right place, great kisser, cuddler, aggressive at appropriate times, and insatiable.  Finally, I’m well educated, laid back, funny as f*ck, but more importantly make for great first meeting conversation ;-).”

I have many thoughts about this one.  First of all, very large in the right place?  This to me screams insecurity.  If that’s how you have to advertise yourself, I feel sorry for you.  Also, describing yourself as “funny as f*ck” doesn’t get my juices flowing, sorry.  I’d much rather you show me that you’re funny, not tell me you are!  I could not even imagine how a first meeting conversation would go with this man and frankly, I don’t want to.

Guys, what’s going on here?  Please enlighten me.  Is this what the men of today have resorted to?

Oh well, all I can do is laugh, and move on.  Until next time!

~B

Here I Am!

When I first started this blog, I wanted to remain anonymous (although a few close friends are aware of it).  I figured that it would be easier to be open and write whatever I felt like without worrying about who would read it.

After much thought, I have reconsidered revealing who I am.  I will tell you why.  I would really like to have a connection with my readers. Although, it might be a bit more exciting to have no clue who the person is or what they look like (your imagination can run wild), I think that is much more possible to establish a connection when you can put a face to the writer.

With that said, here I am!  I’m a working, carpooling, singing in the car, blogging, dancing, crazy at times single mom of 3.

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So it Continues…

I’ve been MIA for a bit, but I’m BACK!photo (23)

So I decided to re-activate my online dating profile.  I think I jumped the gun when I decided to disable it.  I’m still seeing Mr. Man and things are going well.  We’ve been dating for a little over 2 months now.  We spend a lot of time together, he took me on a weekend getaway, we text every day, and talk on the phone every day.  Kinda sounds like we are a couple right?  Nope.  Apparently he wants all that comes with a relationship, without the relationship.  I realize there are no rules about how long you should date before making it “official” and every person and situation is different, but if you want to just casually date, then casually date!  Don’t make a person fall for you, make her feel like she’s your girlfriend, but not actually make her your girlfriend.  Anyway, I plan to continue seeing him because, well I just really like him and enjoy spending time with him.  I also think he has good intentions, but maybe just isn’t ready for a commitment yet.  I’m not going to have any expectations and for now, I’m still single.  Since I’m single, I think it’s appropriate to continue to see what other options are out there.  Nothing wrong with that right?

So my journey continues.  I’m in a great place in my life and have the chance to find the right person that I can spend the rest of my life with. No rush, and no need to settle for anything less than I deserve.

Stay tuned for more funny online dating messages!  I’m sure I’ll have plenty to share :).

~B

I was like…WHAT?!

Well I decided to disable my online dating profile for the time being.  But before I did, I took screen shots of some more of my favorite messages to share with you.  I can’t be greedy and keep them to myself.  They are just too awesome not to share!  By the way, I typed them exactly as they were written to me. So here it goes:

1. So here’s what im thinking. I started looking for women in there’s low thirties. i figure i can deal with that. But i coulnt. They’re starting to look a bit too old for me. being only 24 and all. but then you came along and i seen your age and i was like…WHAT?! you look no where near your age compared to some girls on here. TRULY beautiful, you are.  So i thought i’d at least say hello while im here. So Hello! I’m Mike! How do you do?

*It amazes me how some guys don’t even think they have to type correctly.  Really Mike?  Did you think I would actually respond to that??

2.  I have 4 kids from 3 different relationships…that a deal breaker?

*Do you even have to ask??

3.  Wow, you look gorgeous in your pictures.  Warning:  I like kids, but I’m awkward around them.  I speak to them like they’re adults.  I think this will wear off with the increased exposure though.  If that doesn’t scare you off, let’s meet up quickly to see if we get along.

*Well I do appreciate the guys honesty.  However, he must be an idiot that thinks any decent woman would even consider a man that’s awkward around kids.  No thanks!

Well I admit that I’m NOT going to miss these types of messages.  I’m truly hoping that “disabling” my account turns into “permanently deleting” it.  Only time will tell.

Until next time!

xoxo

~B

Choosing Me Before We

When you are with the same person for most of your life, since you were a teenager…do you ever get the chance to discover who YOU are as an individual?  I found myself 31 years old, divorced, and completely clueless.  I didn’t know what to do with myself!  I had never been on my own.  All I knew myself as was a mother and wife.  I let myself go, had no friends and no idea who I was.  I completely missed that period of my life where I was supposed to live, experience, and discover myself.photo

So here I was, one week after my divorce was final and I meet “him”.  I was vulnerable, naive, and just plain stupid.  I didn’t know how to date and didn’t realize at the time that it was TOO soon!  I had been separated from my newly ex husband for about 8 months but it wasn’t nearly enough time.  Over the course of the next two years, I found myself miserable in an on again off again unhealthy relationship (however I did not involve my kids, thank goodness).  What was I doing?  I was settling because I thought I needed him.  I didn’t know how to be alone and I didn’t know my worth.

Thankfully, I woke up and finally walked away from that mess.  I have since chosen to focus on ME.  I found things I enjoy, made wonderful friends that I spend time with regularly, and take care of myself.  Now, I am at the point where I do not “need” a man, but rather “want” a man to compliment my life, not complete it.  There is a HUGE difference here.  Many people are searching for that other person to complete them.  You will never be truly happy in a relationship until you are complete and happy with yourself and your life.  Not only will you be happier in the relationship, but you will be a better partner.  I’m doing my best to instill this in my children, especially my daughter.  I know she will make mistakes but, I can only hope she loves herself first and knows what she deserves.

We must take care of ourselves first, because if we don’t, no one else can.

xoxo

~B

P.S.  I highly recommend the book Choosing Me Before We by Christine Arylo.

He’s a Keeper

Amazing is the best word I can think of to describe this last weekend.photo (21)

The special someone that I’ve been getting to know/dating over the past 6 weeks took me on a little over night trip to this wonderful place about 3 hours from home.  We stayed at this cute little lodge right across from the beach.  The weather was perfect, romance was in the air and he “Wow’d” me like I have never been “Wow’d” before!  The weekend consisted of walks on the beach, gazing at the beautiful star filled sky, delicious dinner in a quaint restaurant, lots of laughs to the point of tears streaming down my face, champagne, and rose petals.

I’m beginning to realize what I have been missing out on all this time when I was settling for being treated in a way that was less than I deserve.  I had begun to think there wasn’t such thing as a gentleman anymore.  This man has definitely changed my perspective.  He came when I didn’t expect it but sometimes the best things come when you least expect them.

Does every date have to be this extreme?  Absolutely not.  The weekend before consisted of fast food and netflix.  It’s the way I feel when I’m with him, regardless of what we are doing.  It’s an amazing feeling and although I’m adamant about taking things one day at a time, I do hope things continue to go well.

The only downside?  No more posts about my interesting online dating messages!  It’s ok, I have a few I’ve been holding onto that I can still post 🙂

xoxo

~B

Beginning of the End?

A little background first…

heart in clouds

About 6 weeks ago, I was out having a great time with a couple of my amazing friends.  We try to have girls night out regularly.  We have some drinks, dance, laugh, and make some great memories.  I never go out with the girls with the intention of meeting a man, especially because we usually go to a bar/lounge type environment to let loose.  Anyway, on this particular night I spotted a guy I had danced with a previous time we had gone out.  I mentioned to my friends, “hey there’s that guy I danced with last time.”  Well low and behold, the next thing I know, him and I are once again dancing together.  However, this time we danced all night and pretty much just got lost in each other.  We exchanged numbers and had our first date a week later (texting here and there throughout the week).

Since then we’ve seen each other on several occasions (when my kids are with their dad), and we talk on the phone pretty much every day.  I really enjoy his company and think he’s a pretty terrific guy.  I don’t know where it’s going exactly but that’s OK because I’m in no rush and prefer to take things one day at a time.  This is why I have kept my dating profile up as well, because we are still getting to know each other and have not had the “exclusivity” discussion.  Anyway….so this weekend he has invited me on a little over night trip.  I’m excited and nervous at the same time.  I don’t know what this will mean for the two of us or if it will change anything.

Could this be the beginning of the end of my single life?  I don’t know but I’ve definitely been smiling a lot more lately.  I can’t wait to share how the weekend goes, so be sure to check back in next week for the details!

xoxo

~B